Previewing: Group A

Predicted finish: Germany, Poland, Costa Rica, Ecuador

Taking the most basic lessons from geography, we can observe that this group will feature teams from very different cultural and physical regions. Germany and Poland together comprise a massive swath of central and eastern Europe, stretching from the card trick borders of Alsace-Lorraine in the southwest to the hot potato Russian steppes in the east. Beer drinking, polka dancing, orderly, barley and wheat growing, nice cars, very long words, World Wars I and II, the Cold War was bullshit let’s all make some money, Solidarity, Lech Walesa, John Paul II was a keeper and all that. Costa Rica, with no national army and an entrenched democracy, links gringo idealism with Latin American social structures in a naturalist’s wet dream, while tiny but sprightly Ecuador trembles under the threat of gastric volcanoes and the second coming of Charles Darwin.

Poland and Germany have teams stacked with large lads with solid pedigree, speed, regulated diets and a penchant for aggressive behavior. They should both emerge from this group and might even agree not to take too many nicks out of each other if they both win their first games easily. If the Germans win this group with 9 points, the rest of the world will take them much more seriously and militate against them. No one really wants the Germans to win the whole thing, not even the Germans. Too much party in zee hause machts nicht gut. What have they really done to deserve it anyway? Poland could win the group if the Germans forget to tie their shoelaces. The Poles were excellent in qualifying, but have some obvious weaknesses that cannot be accounted for, even, and perhaps especially, if they are doing the math. However, they were very good in qualifying and could win the group if the Germans act like the French and surrender some points.

The Ticos and the Aguilas will provide some attacking style in the Latin American mode, but will not offer too much in the way of grand spectacle. It would be nice to see the coaches release their players onto the field with the freedom to delight. Joga bonito, as Cantona is inveighing. Costa Rica has the usual assortment from CONCACAF Champion Saprissa but isn’t much to worry about away from home. As for Ecuador, well, they didn’t win a qualifying game outside of Quito, but beat Brazil and Argentina at altitude. So long as their opposition doesn’t smoke at halftime, don’t look for them to impress. The element of surprise will make it doubly pleasurable if they do.

The Germans have clearly come away with an ideal first round of games, however, their likely opponents in the next round are either England or Sweden: the Dorsetshire might just have Klinsmann’s Bismark in its periscope.

Chris Gaffney